Cancer scares the living shit out of me. Just throwing that out there. 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer in their life time, what if i'm that one woman? And there's more than just breast cancer out there. Several people in my family have had cancer, which scares me even more. Two aunts, an uncle, two different grandparents. I wonder what that makes my odds? One risk factor is being a woman-check. Another is being white-check. Not having children-check. Not to mention all the chemicals I know that I am exposed to on a daily basis, be it from cleaning materials, car exhaust, second hand smoke, chemicals released from car dashboards, chemicals in carpet(including formaldehyde), etc. What about the nuclear mess in Japan? Radiation could make it's way to Washington. I'm sure it already has. And that could happen anywhere! It freaks me out. I'm freaking the fuck out.
Cancer may not even be the worst thing out there. What about heart disease? That is equally as scary to me. An uncle and a grandpa of mine have died from heart attacks, both around the age of 40. My other grandpa recently had a string of heart attacks. Pretty much all my uncles and my dad are on high cholesterol/blood pressure medication. My genes are pretty much asking for heart failure right now. Sure, people tell me, "don't worry about it", "You're too skinny for heart disease", "You can get away with eating that, you're still young"... Goodness gracious, don't people read the news?? Young people are having more and more heart problems these days, and plenty of people at healthy weights have them, too. Why do people think I try to eat so healthy? It's because I'm paranoid. I don't want to be in a coffin for my 40th birthday. I used to get occasional chest pain back in middle school. It scared the shit out of me. And what scares me even more is that I don't think I would even tell someone if I was having a heart attack. I'm just that kind of person.
I just feel trapped in this world. It's not like you can just escape all the chemicals and other shit you are exposed to. You can't tell people that they can't smoke. You can't make people drive cleaner vehicles. You can't walk into McDonald's and not even get fry's. Well, you could, it's just really hard. But anyways, this is why I just want to live in the forest. People laugh, but I'm serious. I feel like it's the only way for me to get as far away from cancer and heart disease as possible, and try to forget all this shit that bothers me day in and day out.
Sorry I'm so all over the place, this is probably the worst blog post ever. I just needed to rant :(
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