Sometimes when i feel the need to use the bathroom I just hold it in because I just put lotion on and don't want to wash my hands.

Happy Happy Happy Happy!

I feel so happy right now :)
I'm done with negative blog posts!

Grrrrr

Sometimes I just hate the theatre so much. Usually I enjoy spending all my time there, but these days it just grates on my nerves. Especially since Mr. Kentwood. Ms. Lloyd didn’t want James to be a part of it, so she threw me and Jessica in there and told us we had to run the show. She told us on Tuesday, and the show was 2 days later. I mean, at least have the curtesy of telling us a little bit in advance. I had to run the sound, and the last time I even set up a mic was four years ago. I have totally forgotten everthing about sound that I have learned in the last four years (which wasn’t much anyways). And Ms. Lloyd pretty much made me feel like shit for it. She expects me to know everything, when she never taught me a lot of things because she had James to do them. Now that she doesn’t want him around, where does that leave me? I have to pick up where he left off. Of course I’m never going to be as good as him, when she has trained him for years and years and left me on the back burner. So the day after Mr. KW she made a point to teach the class about sound, and had James set up microphones and teach and everything. It felt like a slap in the face, and she kept making comments like, ”Brianna, are you listening??”, “Brianna and Jessica, you guys better be in here with the rest of the class”, and after all the mics were set up and everything, she made a point to tell me multiple times infront of the whole class to not touch anything. Towards the end of class, she had me and Jessica talk to her at her desk, where she told me that I should have skipped Green River classes to go to the Mr. Kentwood rehearsal. What right does she have to say that to me? Especially when she preaches about good grades, and complained about how Jake won Mr. Kentwood with F’s. I think my classes at green river are a little more important than some stupid high school talent show, don’t you?

 

Sometimes the whole theatre just makes me so mad. Next year I will be free.

Wheat pie and a glass of wine.

Life's good.

Downer alert.

Cancer scares the living shit out of me. Just throwing that out there. 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer in their life time, what if i'm that one woman? And there's more than just breast cancer out there. Several people in my family have had cancer, which scares me even more. Two aunts, an uncle, two different grandparents. I wonder what that makes my odds? One risk factor is being a woman-check. Another is being white-check. Not having children-check. Not to mention all the chemicals I know that I am exposed to on a daily basis, be it from cleaning materials, car exhaust, second hand smoke, chemicals released from car dashboards, chemicals in carpet(including formaldehyde), etc. What about the nuclear mess in Japan? Radiation could make it's way to Washington. I'm sure it already has. And that could happen anywhere! It freaks me out. I'm freaking the fuck out.

Cancer may not even be the worst thing out there. What about heart disease? That is equally as scary to me. An uncle and a grandpa of mine have died from heart attacks, both around the age of 40. My other grandpa recently had a string of heart attacks. Pretty much all my uncles and my dad are on high cholesterol/blood pressure medication. My genes are pretty much asking for heart failure right now. Sure, people tell me, "don't worry about it", "You're too skinny for heart disease", "You can get away with eating that, you're still young"... Goodness gracious, don't people read the news?? Young people are having more and more heart problems these days, and plenty of people at healthy weights have them, too. Why do people think I try to eat so healthy? It's because I'm paranoid. I don't want to be in a coffin for my 40th birthday. I used to get occasional chest pain back in middle school. It scared the shit out of me. And what scares me even more is that I don't think I would even tell someone if I was having a heart attack. I'm just that kind of person.

I just feel trapped in this world. It's not like you can just escape all the chemicals and other shit you are exposed to. You can't tell people that they can't smoke. You can't make people drive cleaner vehicles. You can't walk into McDonald's and not even get fry's. Well, you could, it's just really hard. But anyways, this is why I just want to live in the forest. People laugh, but I'm serious. I feel like it's the only way for me to get as far away from cancer and heart disease as possible, and try to forget all this shit that bothers me day in and day out.

Sorry I'm so all over the place, this is probably the worst blog post ever. I just needed to rant :(